Untied Shoelaces and Inherited Beliefs: A 3-Step Framework for Rewiring Automatic Patterns

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I did a parkrun together.

One of the teenage boys running ahead of us was incredibly fast, but all I could focus on were his untied shoelaces flying all over the place.

Immediately, I was transported back to childhood:

“Tie your shoelaces properly.” “You’re going to fall.” “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

And honestly, as adults, it makes sense. We were taught safety, order, discipline, and presentation.

But here’s the interesting part: that teenage boy finished the entire 5km run with his shoelaces untied.

No fall.

No disaster.

No catastrophe.

It made me think about my own 12-year-old son, who walks around with untied shoelaces most days. We ask him to tie them, and he usually does… mostly to stop us from repeating ourselves as parents.

What struck me was this:

I have never actually seen someone seriously hurt themselves because of untied shoelaces. Maybe trip, yes. But in my mind, untied shoelaces became associated with danger because that belief was repeated so often while growing up. Without realising it, I had started passing the same fear onto my children.

My husband and I often laugh about how conditioned we are. He reflected on how he is learning to let go of needing our son’s hair to look perfectly brushed before school. To us, untidy hair can feel “unacceptable” because of how we were raised.

But our children are challenging many of the rules, fears, and automatic beliefs we inherited.

Another thing my son does beautifully? He eats his meat first.

Many of us grew up saving the meat for last - almost as if enjoyment had to be earned.

Yet now we live in a world where nutrition science encourages us to start with protein and fibre first to help regulate blood sugar levels.

What I admire is that he naturally seems to do what works for his body. Meanwhile, I am still unlearning some of my own conditioning around food and nutrition, and the rewiring is taking time.

It fascinates me how often children naturally do what feels right for their bodies and minds before the world conditions them otherwise.

Perhaps part of conscious parenting is learning to question ourselves before automatically correcting a child simply because “that’s how we were raised.”

This Is Where Neuroplasticity Becomes Powerful

The brain is not fixed.

We can rewire patterns, beliefs, habits, and emotional responses shaped by upbringing, workplaces, schools, culture, and survival.

Awareness is often the first step.

Noticing the automatic reaction. Questioning whether it still serves us. Choosing differently when needed.

As coaches, parents, leaders, and humans, perhaps the work is not to control every untied shoelace, but to recognise which inherited fears and rules still deserve a place in our lives - and which ones we are ready to release.

Sometimes our children become mirrors for our own rewiring.

Three Questions Worth Sitting With...

The beauty of neuroplasticity is that every time you consciously choose a new response, you are physically strengthening new neural pathways in the brain.

You do not need a major life crisis to begin rewiring. Often, the work begins in the small, everyday moments - the “untied shoelaces” in our lives.

The next time you notice yourself having a rigid or automatic reaction, try walking yourself through this simple framework:

1. Catch the Trigger (Awareness)

Before you can change a pattern, you have to notice it in action.

Pay attention to the emotional or physical shifts in your body:

• irritation

• anxiety

• tension

• the urge to immediately correct, control, or react

The Shift

Move from unconscious reaction to conscious observation.

Instead of reacting immediately, pause and say:

“I am noticing an automatic rule or fear showing up right now.”

2. Audit the Ancestry (Questioning)

Once you pause, gently interrogate the belief behind the reaction.

Ask yourself:

• Who taught me this?

• Is this actually true, or is it inherited conditioning?

• Is this a value I consciously believe in, or simply something repeated to me over time?

The Crucial Filter

Ask:

“Does this belief still serve the person I am becoming today, or is it protecting an old fear?”

3. Calibrate the Choice (Choosing Differently)

This is where the actual rewiring begins.

Neuroplasticity requires new experiences and repeated new responses. Your brain needs evidence that a different way of responding is safe.

The Action

Intentionally choose a different response, even if it feels slightly uncomfortable at first.

Let the shoelaces stay untied.

Let the hair be messy.

Let yourself rest before you have “earned” it.

Small moments of awareness create small moments of change. And repeated often enough, those small moments can begin rewiring the way we live, parent, lead, and relate to ourselves.

Yours in Resilience