What happens when we finally create space to understand what something has cost us?

For a long time, I didn't understand therapy.

In fact, I was quite explicit about it.

"I don't need therapy. How is that going to help me?"

Until I lost my mom.

Last Sunday, I told you about a conversation I had with someone who made me think differently about the cost of opportunities.

What I didn't tell you then was that the person I was speaking to is actually my therapist.

And somewhere along the way, I started noticing that I wasn't quite myself anymore.

I was drifting.

Disconnecting from myself.

I was more irritable. Snappy with my family. Short-tempered with my children. And if I'm honest, I didn't really understand what was happening inside of me.

I knew I was grieving, but I didn't fully understand that grief isn't only about missing someone.

Grief can also be about the version of yourself that you miss in the absence of who or what you have lost.

It's about everything that changes when someone, something, or some version of your life is no longer there.

A job you've lost. A relationship that ended. A dream that didn't happen. A version of yourself you had to leave behind.

And sometimes, it's grieving the version of yourself you thought you would be by a certain age or at a certain point in your life.

I had experienced loss before, in different ways. I had even lost a job. But I'm not sure I grieved it.

Because I didn't know then that I was grieving.

The loss of my mom made me look at things differently. It made me curious and open-minded, purely because I didn't recognise the version of myself, I had become a couple of months after losing her.

And then, at a point where I genuinely didn't know where to start, I prayed.

"Lord, if You really believe I need a therapist to help me through this transition, I'm going to rely on You on this one… because I don't even know where to start."

I went even further:

"You know me and my needs. May the person You bring into my life be suitable for me."

And of course, He provided.

As He never fails to do.

Therapy helps process emotions, and coaching helps move forward.

Looking back, and as I continue seeing my therapist three years later, I now understand what therapy is.

Because back then, I thought therapy was about fixing people.

And certainly, I didn't need fixing. I was perfectly fine…

Right?

But the truth is, therapy was never about fixing me. And it certainly hasn't "fixed" anything about me.

I was never broken.

I had simply lost connection with a part of me that had existed since birth.

Therapy gave me a space to hear myself.

To process what I had been carrying.

To understand some of the things I couldn't put into words.

And perhaps most importantly, to reconnect with parts of myself that had become very quiet and that i didnt recognise existed.

What has also fascinated me about therapy is how much more I understand myself.

Why I do things the way I do.

The conditioning.

The patterns.

The labels I so dearly wore like armour.

And this is where the coaching in me comes in.

Because awareness gives me choice.

I can now choose what I want to keep and what I want to let go of when it no longer serves me.

So maybe the question isn't:

"What's wrong with me that I need therapy?"

Maybe the question is:

"What have I been carrying that I haven't had the space to process?"

Because often, we don't need someone to tell us what's wrong.

We simply need someone to sit with us long enough for us to hear what has been happening inside us.

That, for me, has been one of the gifts of therapy.

Therapy isn't about fixing you. It's about helping you hear yourself again.

And I'm sharing this because I know there are people who, like the old me, are wondering:

"But what will therapy actually do for me?"

Maybe you won't know until you give yourself permission to find out.

And if you're already working with a therapist who has helped you navigate something difficult, perhaps take a moment today to acknowledge that.

Share what that experience has done for you. Someone might need to hear it.

Because there are some things we need to normalise. We need to make asking for help part of being human.

Because sometimes, we all need someone to simply hear us out.

Asking for help isn't weakness.

Asking for help can be how we find our way back home to ourselves.

Cheers to therapy, and to the people and spaces that help us reconnect with who we really are - and who we are becoming.