When Saying Yes Costs Too Much

I had a conversation with someone this week that unlocked something I had been struggling to put into words.

And sometimes, that is what a meaningful conversation does for us as humans - and even as coaches.

No answers were given through this conversation.

But I walked away being able to articulate how I felt.

And surprisingly, the feeling was familiar.

The last couple of weeks, I had been feeling emotionally drained. Apprehensive. Resistant to something that, on paper, looked like a wonderful opportunity.

And that confused me.

I'm not usually someone who looks at an opportunity and immediately wants to run from it.

Quite the opposite.

I often get excited about things that feel aligned with me, my desires and my values.

So why wasn't I excited about this one?

Even when everyone around me was excited for me, something in me wasn't.

So I kept asking myself:

Why am I struggling to get excited about this?

What I realised is that I had been holding onto one side of the story.

It's an opportunity.

And because I had labelled it an opportunity, I felt I should be grateful for it, make it work, push through the discomfort and find a way to make it worthwhile.

But the conversation helped me look at the other side of the story.

What is this opportunity actually costing me?

My energy.

My time.

My emotional capacity.

And perhaps most importantly, my alignment with what I say I believe about myself.

That was the uncomfortable part.

Because sometimes we can become so committed to making an opportunity work that we stop asking whether it is actually working for us - and with who we are becoming.

We tell ourselves:

It's exposure.

It's a foot in the door.

I should be grateful.

Maybe if I just work a little harder, something will come from it.

But what happens when the cost of saying yes becomes greater than what we are receiving?

And what happens when we keep saying yes because we are afraid that saying no means we are giving up an opportunity?

I had to sit with that.

And I had to confront another belief of mine:

I don't have to visibly struggle for me to receive.

I've shared this belief in one of my previous Sunday Souls.

But awareness changes the lens.

Before I was aware of this belief, I could live it without questioning it.

Now that I can see it, I can recognise the moments when I start believing that I have to work harder, give more, prove more and endure more before I am allowed to receive.

What if the lesson isn't to work harder?

What if the lesson is to recognise when something is no longer aligned?

That doesn't mean every difficult thing should be abandoned.

It means we have to become curious about the difference between growth discomfort and self-abandonment.

That distinction matters.

Because I can work incredibly hard and still be deeply misaligned.

I know this because I have lived in that space for a very long time.

And perhaps one of the gifts of becoming more self-aware is that I now notice the signs much sooner.

When something is misaligned, I feel it.

Emotionally.

Energetically.

And sometimes, physically.

I personally don't believe success should ever come at the cost of our wellbeing.

I've spent years building my work around this belief.

And perhaps I am being asked to live it more honestly myself.

Sometimes self-respect looks like staying and having the difficult conversation.

Sometimes it looks like renegotiating.

And sometimes...it looks like walking away.

Not because you're afraid. Not because you couldn't do it. Not because the opportunity wasn't good enough.

But because you finally listened to what it was costing you.

I'm learning that saying no to something that isn't aligned doesn't mean I'm saying no to success.

It may actually mean I'm making space for a version of success that doesn't require me to lose myself along the way.

And maybe that's the reflection I'm sitting with this Sunday:

Where in your life are you holding onto one side of the story because you've already decided that something is an "opportunity"?

And if you allowed yourself to look at the other side...what is it actually costing you?

Sometimes we don't need another strategy.

Sometimes we need enough stillness to hear the truth we have been trying not to hear.

For me, this week has also been a wake-up call in a very embodied way.

I can feel how much I have been struggling and pushing, even though I don't believe in pushing.

My body has taken a lot from that way of being.

And I feel a deep sense that I need to pause.

To actually stop.

To take a real break - not just think about one. And I feel ready to do it.

Not because I have given up.

But because I can finally feel what I couldn't previously articulate.

Maybe this is what coming back to yourself feels like.

Not doing more. Just listening.